069: Time To Let Go Of Postpartum DepressionAug 01, 2021
In this episode, I want to share my journey of postpartum depression, and how I've been able to start to let go of those feelings and step to the other side of motherhood in life where I'm just starting to feel so much happier and more fulfilled with all of the blessings in the madness that I have in my life so this is going to be a more vulnerable episode, but I hope with me sharing this that I'm able to shine the light on anybody else out there who might be feeling this way and show you that it's gonna be okay.
And you are not just a quick disclaimer here you guys I am not a medical professional, so if you are feeling any signs of postpartum depression I do recommend that you visit this with your doctor and make sure that you're going through the correct treatment for you. This is simply just my experience and what I have found to help me get through this, and to the other side so I'm going to share a bit of my story. What I feel like really causes postpartum depression and how I've reached the other side of it.
To begin with, my personal experience with postpartum depression was really just, I feel an unacceptance of wanting to let go of my old life and embrace the new one. Now I have to say, I am so thankful to have a healthy happy baby. I feel so amazing, honestly, to have had this experience as a mom, but it's not easy. I was not ready, we were not planning to have a baby. I knew that at one point in my life I did want kids but we were planning this, okay. And so growing up, you're told by friends and family that having a baby is going to change your life forever. But it never went much deeper than that. At least not with my family and so when I had a baby. It hit me really fast that, well, yes, they were like life really is gonna change forever. It changed in more ways than I expected.
Little things that I would say I took for granted before like simply my fiance and I both being able to go into the store at the same time without one of us driving around in the parking lot with a screaming baby or us just being able to go out for drinks and not have to worry about taking care of a baby while we're trying to enjoy our night or us just simply waking up in the morning and walking to the beach without worrying about the baby yet. Is he okay? Is he going to be crying at the beach or us actually taking our beach walk and having the baby be fussy the whole time?
Those are just simple things that I didn't expect you might be listening to this like Jamie is a baby. Okay, I actually had never been around children growing up. I mean, there were really no babies in my family I was an only child until I ended up having five amazing stepsisters right, but I was never around kids, I never even babysat growing up. So you guys I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into it.
So to be honest with you. When I was in the hospital, and I've just given birth and Kylo came into this world and was crying. That was the moment that it hit me that I had another life to take care of. And I just remember sitting there, I was in so much pain, I was just, tears were supporting on my face as they were stitching me up. I just pushed for five hours. I was in so much pain for weeks before he was late. I was walking around if you guys have not seen pictures of me pregnant go to my Instagram because I looked like I swallowed a watermelon.
So you guys I think it all hit me out once and for the weeks following of us, there were beautiful moments you guys, like I said I never want to forget the fact that I had a beautiful healthy baby, and an amazing fiance on this journey with me, but we had no family here on Maui with us. And wow, that was amazing because it really gave us time as a family to create that bond, and to get into our own routine. It was hard. it was so hard for me to accept my new role for you guys my baby just turned eight months old, and there are still times where I feel depressed about my new role.
So I want you to know that this doesn't just happen to you if you're feeling postpartum depression it is. I feel a normal part of this transitional period of life. I mean, for months there, I would sneak off to go to the grocery store, and while this would be time away from a screaming baby and my fiance getting mad at me because it's just a lot of stress with a screaming baby in the house. I would cry. I would just cry because I know what I was getting myself into. I felt alone, I felt lost and I didn't know who to call about it. And eventually, I did call my mom and I said, My mom's been struggling with depression for a long time like I finally know how you've been feeling. And it was really hard to admit that to her because it wasn't like I ever didn't want my baby. I just felt like I wanted my own life back. I just wasn't ready to step into this new role just yet. And I know this sounds counterintuitive because this is mom's free to make her podcast but that's exactly why I'm sharing this with you guys, and seeing my friends live their life the way they always have, not having to worry about another baby, like we would be hanging out with our friends at the beach and they would all want to go grab a drink for lunch, this place called friends right it's a nice place to get tacos and margaritas, they would invite us in Kyle would be getting fussy and we're like, we got to go home and someone signed me I was like, I just want that back I want that freedom. Just live and I loved my freedom for you guys but I just feel like I took it for granted.
And then I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. I just missed that. And so I want to get into the shifts that occurred that really helped shift my mindset from just that longing for what was gone to just the acceptance of what is in it really has allowed me to step into this loving motherly role that I feel like kind of needs that I would say I couldn't fully embrace for a long time because I had this longing for what. No longer was a part of my life. And that longing really made it hard for me to accept this new role that I had. And so with that caused resistance which caused resentment, and it was really hard for me to fully accept my new role, and so I feel like the shift really occurred for me.
So maybe this helps you get to the other side as well. It's really just acceptance of you know what that chapter of my life is closed. But this new one is so beautiful. And you guys, No matter how old your PVC is right now you're probably realizing how quickly the time goes by. Okay, so no matter what phase you're in right now, it's gonna go by in the blink of an eye. And so that's been a big realization for me is that this isn't forever, it's not permanent. Just enjoy it by you have it, just like every other chapter of our lives, right.
But I think a big thing that's helped us is to be okay, asking for help. If somebody said they will babysit for you if it's a friend or family member.I know it might feel awkward to actually take them up on it because they felt really weird. I know you had asked to watch Kylo at one point but actually, no, Steven, I really want to go on a date day this week, could you please watch him on Thursday. And you know what you're gonna be shocked that people actually meant what they said they want to watch your baby, people love babies.
So, if you're listening to this and you haven't had a good day or a day with your significant other, but you've had people offering to watch, or even if you hadn't had to be asked you, ask for help, you guys. I promise you, people will be honored to watch your baby. And unless you're asking them more than once. We'll probably do it for free. We had a bunch of friends reached out and offered to help us, and we've done gestures for them like cook them banana bread. Take them dinner because simply thank them. And to be honest, it's been thanking us for leaving him with that.
Okay, so that would be my first tip is to ask for help you guys, and don't feel bad about it. Don't feel guilty, allow it to happen, and also really plan out your day with yourself or your significant other may get special go do something that you maybe haven't done for a long time. Steve and I didn't go on a date for the first six months, which is great. If that time is so important for you guys like we were so adamant about doing everything with Kylo and our new baby, but think about it you guys put a lot of strain on your relationship and it makes it difficult for you guys to bond, without having something else pulling your attention so that time is so vitally important so that would be my first tip.
My second tip is just to find you time so I find that the bookends are really really important for my life and I actually heard this from one of my good friends, Ashley. So my mornings are very very important to me, and if you guys have not yet listened to go back and listen to my episode with Jeff Wickersham because he is the host of the morning fire podcast, and he goes very in-depth about what a morning routine could look like for you, and just making sure that you set yourself up for success, the night before so if you're looking to develop a really awesome morning routine, go back and listen to that episode, but I will have to say you guys like me getting up at 5:30 in the morning before my baby's awake before my fiance's awake and doing me for that first hour or two in the morning before they wake up is so vitally important. And I found that for so long I was playing.
Sleep catch upright, and I didn't really give myself that time. But once I went back to waking up early and not sleeping in. I found that I've really got my time back in my day wasn't really stolen from me, because for the first five months of Kyle's life, I felt like I woke up in my day was just ripped out of my hands. And that was something that I wasn't prepared for. I was used to being able to sleep till 7:30 in the morning and then sit down and do what I needed to do for the day. I wasn't used to something else needing my attention and diverting it from me. And so I feel like a big shift happened when I took my time back and I took back control. Okay. And it also came from getting things ready the night before so preparing his bottle putting it in the fridge, having it ready so in the morning right away. All I had to do is simply grab it out of the fridge. It's just small things like that that you could start to do that just help you take back control.
Okay, so I hope that this is helping you, and further than that it's having really good communication with your spouse about how you're feeling. And if you're parenting on your own. It's being able to open up to a family member about how this is making you feel, I let Stephen know that I felt postpartum depression and that this was really hard for me to step into this motherly role for a long time, and I let him know how I was feeling so that if he ever saw any overwhelm from me, he was able to further step up and really helped me through that time.
And I think it's also really important for us to still get time outside of the house, whether it be alone or with friends. I think it's important for us to be able to just go on walks, not even with the baby on the stroller, just take a walk on your own. Get out of the house go shopping, do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Don't feel guilty spending money on yourself. I'm not saying go crazy, but like, do the things that you used to do for yourself before having a baby and don't feel guilty about it like I think that's so important you have to realize that. You're your own person, and well yes you have a baby now who does depend on you.
You still depend on YouTube, and the more time you can take for yourself, the better you're actually going to show up for your family and your baby. When the time comes, and so I feel that time for me is so vitally important, and also something that I lost. For the first couple of months as being a new mom, so that would be my main recommendations for you. and I hope that you can take these and really start implementing them, I would recommend every single day, having some new time, whatever that looks like for you it could be 30 minutes, it could be an hour and 30 minutes like whatever you can devote to yourself. Be okay stepping away from the house is free for yourself, do deep days with your spouse or your fiance, or husband. Okay, take that time because it's so precious and then lastly, it's doing things with your baby that are enjoyable to you. For example, Kylo loves the water. He's giggly he's splashing he's laughing. It's just, year to year, correct. It is like the cutest thing I've ever seen. And so, when I start to feel down at all. I take him out and go do fun things with him. So, this was a few weeks ago, and I've been just having a really rough day he was crying all morning. I was just starting to get so stressed out and I was like you know what, because a Tuesday I was like you know what, we're gonna go, we're gonna go swimming, because I know he's gonna have fun, I know I'm gonna have fun and we're just gonna shut it off for the day. So we got in the car. That also quieted down so it was a very calming ride. I threw on some jams, and then we arrived at the resort. And I put him in his little floating. And just because it was one of the best afternoons that I'd had with him.
And so, if you're having those hard days, shake up your environment. Get out of the house and go do something that's going to really make you guys bond more than if you were just to stay at home, kind of like resenting your baby. And I know that might sound bad, but it's true. I mean, I remember just thinking, Okay, it's way too much trouble to leave the house with a baby, I've got to get all the things but if he freaks out about the pool, you know, I just can't deal with it, especially if I'm by myself. But you guys. A lot of times he's actually better outside, I don't know about your baby but mine calms down when he's not at home and so I found it to be really beneficial to get out of this same environment. So, if you're having a hard day. Keep that in mind and try to do something that's going to make you guys feel closer. And if you can't leave the house, tried to maybe just sit outside sit on your front steps, or try to play with each other, and I know that might be difficult if you're having a rough day but try to remember the beautiful things, Read a book, hold your baby. It's just gonna make you feel so much better. Like, one of my favorite things to do at night, is to just cuddle him and hold him and show him your baby, like all of these little things, they just make me feel so much better and it makes all the hard time so worth it.
So, if you are struggling with postpartum depression, just know you're not alone. I know how hard it is to make that shift from life before motherhood to really stepping into this new role, I know how much weight can add on your shoulders and I know it's a lot of pressure. And I know how it feels to be up to family events. When he starts by saying, Thanks for watching. For you to calm him down. But just know your peace protector. Your baby looks to you to show him or her this beautiful world that you live in. And so, no matter how hard this time is just know that this too shall pass.
And try to embrace these moments because your babies are a week old. You know how fast they change, trying to stop, and I know this sounds cliche but smell the roses with your baby. Watch your baby explore this world and just try to start to see the world through their eyes.
Say, what can I appreciate respected think deeper say, okay, they're looking at this pop font.
What might they be thinking they're staring at a flower for the first time? What could be going through their head, how are they envisioning this world, and start to think how do I want them to view it. How do I want them to see the world through my eyes, think of it that way?
And maybe it's gonna change your approach to how you show up every day. That's been one of the developments. And so if I ever feel myself starting to slip back into those patterns of wishing things could be the way they, they were. It's realizing that I get to show this new human world for the first time. And it's pretty epic. Once you think about it like that, even though it's harsh and Mommy you're not alone.
If you need somebody to talk to you. DM me on Instagram, and I would love to help in any way that I can. And if you're really struggling with postpartum depression you guys please seek help, whatever that means, when you find somebody to talk to, like I said if you need somebody to talk to I would love to be there for you. Get me on Instagram at Jamie Kullman. Join me in my Freedom Maker Tribe and I would love to. Thank you guys for listening and I'll catch you in the next episode.
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